hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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