I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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