Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
