My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
