allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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