dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
