she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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