And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
