he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
