Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
