Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
