Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
