Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
