we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
