puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
