If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
