Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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