You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
