Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
