i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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