You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
