We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
