Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
