Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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