come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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