apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
