I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
