You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
