i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
