I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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