The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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