so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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