Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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