I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
