she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you will always have a special place in my vag
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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