k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
