I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
