everyone is single if you try hard enough
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
