google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
