So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
