I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
