apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
