I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
