oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
