I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
