I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
