my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
