Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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