mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
