i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
