You smell like a Billy Joel song
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
