So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
