Already got asked if we're dating
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
